alycatastrophe  
One of the proudest days of my life. 
You have endured a lifetime’s worth of hardship in the span of only 18 years. Those trials, hardships, and challenges will be your armor; your strength, kindness, and willpower, your weapon; your sadness and anger, the scars you bear; but your optimism and motivation to help others is your gift to mankind. 
My best friend, my little Marine, my baby brother. You’re going to go so far and it makes my heart smile. #mcm

One of the proudest days of my life.
You have endured a lifetime’s worth of hardship in the span of only 18 years. Those trials, hardships, and challenges will be your armor; your strength, kindness, and willpower, your weapon; your sadness and anger, the scars you bear; but your optimism and motivation to help others is your gift to mankind.
My best friend, my little Marine, my baby brother. You’re going to go so far and it makes my heart smile. #mcm

mcm  
Sleepy baby snake cuddles = the best. 
#cornsnake #baby #snake

Sleepy baby snake cuddles = the best.
#cornsnake #baby #snake

baby  snake  cornsnake  
Cartier love bracelets and metal Game of Thrones friendship bracelets because we’re obsessed…with each other. 
Lindsay’s has “moon of my life” engraved, and mine has “my sun and stars.” 
We’re cheesy.

Cartier love bracelets and metal Game of Thrones friendship bracelets because we’re obsessed…with each other.
Lindsay’s has “moon of my life” engraved, and mine has “my sun and stars.”
We’re cheesy.

I’m not sorry I’m not an extrovert.

But sometimes I’m sorry for being a good listener.

I’m a quiet person, which means that when I have something to say, it’s either important, relevant, insightful, or has some kind of purpose and intent. It also means that I’ve thought about what I was going to say before the words ever left my mouth.

I’m introverted, which means I keep to myself. I don’t burden others by sharing information they could care less about. It also means that when I do open up to someone about something it’s because they’ve earned my trust and respect and I feel confident in confiding in them.

I’m guarded, which means my walls are up around strangers, people I’ve just met, and people I’m getting to know. People like you have hurt me before, and I’m not holding any grudges from the past against you, but I’m aware of how you operate and I’ve learned from my mistakes.

Lastly, I’m perceptive. While everyone is running their mouth, I’m taking note of things like the fluctuation of tones within the conversation and body language. It means I read people- not judge them- and it’s how I gauge my actions and words.

If I’m engaged in conversation with someone and it flows naturally and I’m at ease the entire time, it means that there’s a kind of chemistry between us- even if it’s on the basic level of human interaction. If I’m bored and edgy and nearly cross with you, it’s probably because I don’t care about the last time you were at some house party and got totally wasted and the cops came and you were so drunk you threw up in your friend’s shirt.

I don’t wear my heart on my sleeve. I don’t always open up easily to people I’ve known forever, let alone to people I’ve only just met. I’m not sorry if I bore you or if you find me uninteresting. If I’m worth the trouble it causes a person- one who actually wants to get to know me- to take initiative and inquire about and listen to what I have to say, then I have truly met my match.

Sometimes I’m tired of listening to other people who talk mainly for the sake of hearing their own voice. Yes, there are times when I could learn to loosen up, but I shouldn’t be judged instantly for not being talkative.

I’m sorry few people ever want to hear what I have to say, and care.

I’m not a religious person. I don’t believe in deities or in miracles or in heaven and hell. But I might believe in guardian angels. 

My horoscope is ironic today, because three years ago I lost someone who played a significant role in my life. Her absence is the reason why around this time of year everything seems colorless and functioning normally is a challenge and existing becomes a daily struggle. 

But every year, I make it through the muck, and there are small moments that make me believe that even in death she’s still guiding me in the right direction, has my back when I fall, and kicks my ass when she and I both know I could be working harder. Because that’s what moms do. 

Everyone, I’m going to try my best not to suck at life today, but it’s one of two of the worst days of the year for me, so please- bear with me. 

And tell your mom you love her, because you never know when cancer is going to steal her away from you.

I’m not a religious person. I don’t believe in deities or in miracles or in heaven and hell. But I might believe in guardian angels. My horoscope is ironic today, because three years ago I lost someone who played a significant role in my life. Her absence is the reason why around this time of year everything seems colorless and functioning normally is a challenge and existing becomes a daily struggle. But every year, I make it through the muck, and there are small moments that make me believe that even in death she’s still guiding me in the right direction, has my back when I fall, and kicks my ass when she and I both know I could be working harder. Because that’s what moms do.
Everyone, I’m going to try my best not to suck at life today, but it’s one of two of the worst days of the year for me, so please- bear with me.
And tell your mom you love her, because you never know when cancer is going to steal her away from you.

ouch  breakup  
In the midst of planning for Christmas, I drafted my list for Santa. 
It’s sad, really. 
#christmas #wishlist #birthday #presents #pleasesanta #prettyplease #ifyouloveme

In the midst of planning for Christmas, I drafted my list for Santa.
It’s sad, really.
#christmas #wishlist #birthday #presents #pleasesanta #prettyplease #ifyouloveme

My Apologies

To all of my Facebook friends: I’m sorry for all of the depressing posts. I don’t mean to worry or annoy you.

To my coworkers: I’m sorry I haven’t been giving my 100% recently, especially today. I try to always put my best foot forward, and I know I’ve been stumbling and tripping over my own feet (at times, literally.)

To all of my teachers, past and present: You’ve had an impact on me that will last a lifetime, and I try to reflect on your lectures and advice in times when I know I’m falling short. Chef, our talk really shed some light on my situation, and I’m sorry I’ve been falling behind all quarter; I know it’s unfair to all of my chef instructors and classmates. But I’m trying really, really, hard.

To all of my family, biological and otherwise (The Leepers, the Holmes/Adams, the Naars, the Howards, the D’Alessios, the Warpenburgs): I’m sorry I don’t do as good of a job at keeping in touch as I should. I also know that I’m really horrible at asking for help, so right now I’m going to ask you to please bear with me, because I need all of you and your support  so much right now. I don’t always tell you how much I love you guys, but you really are my backbone.

To my friends: I know I’ve exhausted my efforts in trying to maintain certain friendships, and I’m sorry for not giving some of you guys a call every once in a while. Even though most of you are off at college as well, it wouldn’t hurt to try to get together or Skype every now and then.

To my best friends: I can’t express how sorry I am for closing you off and shutting you out when I’m at my worst. Sometimes, I just feel like I’m contagious and I don’t want to hinder you from your own pursuits. But I love you more than you will ever know.

Bumpkin, Lin Shu, and Muffin: Thank you for everything.

To my mom, who would have been 46 today: I’m sorry. I’m trying to take the steps I need to become the kind of woman you hoped I would be, and sometimes it’s hard without you here to push me and guide me and console me. But I’m trying as hard as I can to make you proud. I promise.

I felt like I needed to apologize to so many people, but I also want everyone to know that despite how careless I can be when I post statuses that are concerning to the people who care about, love, and instruct me, I’m going to be okay.

I am depressed. And I’m working on it everyday. Sometimes it hits me, and it hits me really hard. Sometimes I can conceal it behind smiles. Sometimes it diminishes when others are making me laugh. Sometimes, it’s not even there at all. Until it hits me again.

I’m working on breaking this cycle. I’m just asking that everyone please bear with me. But don’t be afraid to be honest and tell me to shut up if I’m whining, or to remind me to be appreciative of what I have. I just wanted to let everyone know that I recognize that I’m not where I should be, but even though I’m as self-aware as I am, sometimes I need to be reminded that I’m not alone.